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I remembered that I’d thought I’d found the top of the hole。 I searched to my left and found more stacks
of cardboard squares on that side。 I tried to find the top of the stack and had to stand in order to do
so—it was as high as my head。 I searched until I found the wall； and then the hole； exactly where I’d
thought it was。 I tried to climb in to ascertain if it really was the same place—one second on that bowed
floor and I would know it for certain—but I could not get any farther than the opening。 It； too； was
crammed full of boxes。
Stymied； I explored with my hands； moving back out into the hall。 I found I could go no deeper down
the passageway； it was entirely filled with the mysterious cardboard squares。
Suddenly； it all came clear。 It was the smell that did it。 As I played with the sand…like material inside the
bag； I got an unexpected whiff of a familiar scent。 It took me back to my bare kitchen in San Diego； to
the low cupboard on the left side of the sink。 In my head I could see so clearly the bag of uncooked rice；
the plastic measuring cup I used to dole it out； the rows of canned food behind it…
Once I realized that I was touching a bag of rice； I understood。 Iwas in the right place after all。 Hadn’t
Jeb said they used this place for storage？ And hadn’t Jared just returned from a long raid？ Now
everything the raiders had stolen in the weeks they’d been gone was dumped in this out…of…the…way place
until it could be used。
Many thoughts ran through my head at once。
First； I realized that I was surrounded by food。 Not just rough bread and weak onion soup； butfood。
Somewhere in this stack； there could be peanut butter。 Chocolate chip cookies。 Potato chips。Cheetos。
Even as I imagined finding these things； tasting them again； being full for the first time since I’d left
civilization； I felt guilty for thinking of it。 Jared hadn’t risked his life and spent weeks hiding and stealing to
feedme。 This food was for others。
I also worried that perhaps this wasn’t the entire haul。 What if they had more boxes to stow？ Would
Jared and Kyle be the ones to bring them？ It didn’t take any imagination at all to picture the scene that
would result if they found me here。
But wasn’t that why I was here？ Wasn’t that exactly what I’d needed to be alone to think about？
I slouched against the wall。 The rice bag made a decent pillow。 I closed my eyes—unnecessary in the
inky darkness—and settled in for a consultation。
Okay； Mel。 What now？
I was glad to find that she was still awake and alert。 Opposition brought out her strength。 It was only
when things were going well that she drifted away。
Priorities；she decided。What’s most important to us？ Staying alive？ Or Jamie？
She knew the answer。Jamie； I affirmed； sighing out loud。 The sound of my breath whispered back from
the black walls。
Agreed。 We could probably last awhile if we let Jeb and Ian protect us。 Will that help him？
Maybe。 Would he be more hurt if we just gave up？ Or if we let this drag on； only to have it end
badly； which seems inevitable？
She didn’t like that。 I could feel her scrambling around； searching for alternatives。
Try to escape？I suggested。
We imagined it together—how would I explain my months of absence？ I could lie； make up some
alternative story； or say I didn’t remember。 But I thought of the Seeker’s skeptical face； her bulging eyes
bright with suspicion； and knew my inept attempts at subterfuge would fail。
They’d think I took over；Melanie agreed。Then they’d take you out and put herin。
I squirmed； as if a new position on the rock floor would take me further away from the idea； and
shuddered。 Then I followed the thought to its conclusion。She’d tell them about this place； and the
Seekers would e。
The horror washed through us。
Right；I continued。So escape is out。
Right；she whispered； emotion making her thought unstable。
So the decision is… quick or slow。 Which hurts him less？
It seemed that as long as I focused on practicalities I could keep at least my side of the discussion
numbly businesslike。 Melanie tried to mimic my effort。
I’m not sure。 On the one hand； logically； the longer the three of us are together； the harder our…
separation would be for him。 Then again； if we didn’t fight； if we just gave up… he wouldn’t like
that。 He’d feel betrayed by us。
I looked at both sides she’d presented； trying to be rational about it。
So… quick； but we have to do our best not to die？
Go down fighting；she affirmed grimly。
Fighting。 Fabulous。I tried to imagine that—meeting violence with violence。 Raising my hand to strike
someone。 I could form the words but not the mental picture。
You can do it；she encouraged。I’ll help you。
Thanks； but no thanks。 There has to be some other way。
I don’t get you； Wanda。 You’ve given up on your species entirely； you’re ready to die for my
brother； you’re in love with the man I love who is going to kill us； and yet you won’t let go of
customs that are entirely impractical here。
I am who I am； Mel。 I can’t change that； though everything else may change。 You hold on to
yourself； allow me to do the same。
But if we’re going to —
She would have continued to argue with me； but we were interrupted。 A scuffing sound； shoe against
footsteps ing this way。
Melanie kept her cool； whereas I was lost to panic。
Get on your feet；she ordered。
Why？
You won’t fight； but you can run。 You have to try something—for Jamie。
I started breathing again； keeping it quiet and shallow。 Slowly； I rolled forward till I was on the balls of
my feet。 Adrenaline coursed through my muscles； making them tingle and flex。 I would be faster than
most who would try to catch me； but where would I run to？
“Wanda？” someone whispered quietly。 “Wanda？ Are you here？ It’s me。”
His voice broke； and I knew him。
“Jamie！” I rasped。 “What are you doing？ I told you I needed to be alone。”
Relief was plain in his voice； which he now raised from the whisper。 “Everybody is looking for you。
Well； you know； Trudy and Lily and Wes—thateverybody。 Only we’re not supposed to let anyone
know that’s what we’re doing。 No one is supposed to guess that you’re missing。 Jeb’s got his gun again。
Ian’s with Doc。 When Doc’s free； he’ll talk to Jared and Kyle。 Everybody listens to Doc。 So you don’t
have to hide。 Everybody’s busy； and you’re probably tired。…”
As Jamie explained； he continued forward until his fingers found my arm； and then my hand。
“I’m not reallyhiding； Jamie。 I told you I had to think。”
“You could think with Jeb there； right？”
“Where do you want me to go？ Back to Jared’s room？ This is where I’m supposed to be。”
“Not anymore。” The familiar stubborn edge entered his voice。
“Why is everyone so busy？” I asked to distract him。 “What’s Doc doing？”
My attempt was unsuccessful； he didn’t answer。
After a minute of silence； I touched his cheek。 “Look； you should be with Jeb。 Tell the others to stop
looking for me。 I’ll just hang out here for a while。”