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His words troubled me； and I followed him in silence。 Why should gallantry apply to me？
He walked all the way to the cornfield； and then into the cornfield； stepping in the low part of the furrow；
between the stalks。 I trailed behind him until he stopped； somewhere in the middle of the field； set the
dishes aside； and sprawled out on the dirt。
“Well； this is out of the way；” I said as I settled to the ground beside him； crossing my legs。 “But
shouldn’t we be working？”
“You work too hard； Wanda。 You’re the only one who never takes a day off。”
“It gives me something to do；” I mumbled。
“Everyone is taking a break today； so you might as well。”
I looked at him curiously。 The light from the mirrors threw double shadows through the cornstalks that
crisscrossed over him like zebra stripes。 Under the lines and the dirt； his pale face was weary。
“You look like you’ve been working。”
His eyes tightened。 “But I’m resting now。”
“Jamie won’t tell me what’s going on；” I murmured。
“No。 And neither will I。” He sighed。 “It’s nothing you want to know anyway。”
I stared at the ground； at the dark purple and brown dirt； as my stomach twisted and rolled。 I could
think of nothing worse than not knowing； but maybe I was just lacking in imagination。
“It’s not really fair；” Ian said after a silent moment； “seeing as I won’t answer your question； but do you
mind if I ask you one？”
I weled the distraction。 “Go ahead。”
He didn’t speak at once； so I looked up to find the reason for his hesitation。 He was staring down now；
looking at the dirt streaked across the backs of his hands。
“I know you’re not a liar。 I know that now；” he said quietly。 “I’ll believe you； whatever your answer is。”
I waited again while he continued to stare at the dirt on his skin。
“I didn’t buy Jeb’s story before； but he and Doc are pretty convinced。… Wanda？” he asked； looking up
at me。 “Is she still in there with you？ The girl whose body you wear？”
He nodded slowly。 “What is it like？ For you？ For her？”
“It’s… frustrating； for us both。 At first I would have given anything to have her disappear the way she
should have。 But now I… I’ve gotten used to her。” I smiled wryly。 “Sometimes it’s nice to have the
pany。 It’s harder for her。 She’s like a prisoner in many ways。 Locked away in my head。 She prefers
that captivity to disappearing； though。”
“I didn’t know there was a choice。”
“There wasn’t in the beginning。 It wasn’t until your kind discovered what was happening that any
resistance started。 That seems to be the key—knowing what’s going to happen。 The humans who were
taken by surprise didn’t fight back。”
“So if I were caught？”
I appraised his fierce expression—the fire in his brilliant eyes。
“I doubt you would disappear。 Things have changed； though。 When they catch full…grown humans now；
they don’t offer them as hosts。 Too many problems。” I half smiled again。 “Problems likeme。 Going soft；
getting sympathetic to my host； losing my way…”
He thought about that for a long time； sometimes looking at my face； sometimes at the cornstalks；
sometimes at nothing at all。
“What would they do with me； then； if they caught me now？” he finally asked。
“They’d still do an insertion； I think。 Trying to get information。 Probably they’d put a Seeker in you。”
He shuddered。
“But they wouldn’t keep you as a host。 Whether they found the information or not； you would be…
discarded。” The word was hard to say。 The idea sickened me。 Odd—it was usually the human things that
made me sick。 But I’d never looked at the situation from the body’s perspective before； no other planet
had forced me to。 A body that didn’t function right was quickly and painlessly disposed of because it was
as useless as a car that could not run。 What was the point of keeping it around？ There were conditions of
the mind； too； that made a body unusable： dangerous mental addictions； malevolent yearnings； things that
could not be healed and made the body unsafe to others。 Or； of course； a mind with a will too strong to
be erased。 An anomaly localized on this planet。
I had never seen the ugliness of treating an unconquerable spirit as a defect as clearly as I did now；
looking into Ian’s eyes。
“And if they caughtyou？ ” he asked。
“If they realized who I was… if anyone is still looking for me…” I thought of my Seeker and shuddered
as he had。 “They would take me out and put me in another host。 Someone young； tractable。 They would
“Would you be yourself again？”
I met his gaze。 “Iam myself。 I haven’t lost myself to Melanie。 I would feel the same as I do now； even as
a Bear or a Flower。”
“They wouldn’tdiscard you？”
“Not a soul。 We have no capital punishment for our kind。 Or any punishment； really。 Whatever they did；
it would be to save me。 I used to think there was no need for any other way； but now I have myself as
proof against that theory。 It would probably be right to discard me。 I’m a traitor； aren’t I？”
Ian pursed his lips。 “More of an expatriate； I’d say。 You haven’t turned on them； you’ve just left their
society。”
We were quiet again。 I wanted to believe what he said was true。 I considered the wordexpatriate；
trying to convince myself that I was nothing worse。
Ian exhaled loudly enough to make me jump。 “When Doc sobers up； we’ll get him to take a look at your
face。” He reached over and put his hand under my chin； this time I didn’t flinch。 He turned my head to the
side so he could examine the wound。
“It’s not important。 I’m sure it looks worse than it is。”
“I hope so—it looks awful。” He sighed and then stretched。 “I suppose we’ve hidden long enough that
Kyle’s clean and unconscious。 Want some help with the dishes？”
Ian wouldn’t let me wash the dishes in the stream the way I usually did。 He insisted that we go into the
black bathing room； where I would be invisible。 I scrubbed dishes in the shallow end of the dark pool；
while he cleaned off the filth left behind by his mystery labors。 Then he helped me with the last of the dirty
bowls。
When we were done； he escorted me back to the kitchen； which was starting to fill up with the lunch
crowd。 More perishables were on the menu： soft white bread slices； slabs of sharp cheddar cheese；
circles of lush pink bologna。 People were scarfing down the delicacies with abandon； though the despair
was still perceptible in the slump of their shoulders； in the absence of smiles or laughter。
Jamie was waiting for me at our usual counter。 Two double stacks of sandwiches sat in front of him； but
he wasn’t eating。 His arms were folded as he waited for me。 Ian eyed his expression curiously but left to
get his own food without asking。
I rolled my eyes at Jamie’s stubbornness and took a bite。 Jamie dug in as soon as I was chewing。 Ian
was back quickly； and we all ate in silence。 The food tasted so good it was hard to imagine a reason for
conversation—or anything else that would empty our mouths。
I stopped at two； bu